I am love

God acknowledges Abraham's faithful trust and promises that he will be regarded as the common ancestor of generation after generation to come among the peoples of the promised land and its surroundings. Jewish people spoke then as now of 'our father Abraham'. Jesus seems to be claiming a special relationship with Abraham in his conversation in the Temple with his contemporaries, reported by St John. It takes a strange turn when he says 

"Whoever keeps my word will never see death." (John 8:51) 

They challenge him: who is he claiming to be? Jesus claims nothing for himself. He speaks only what his heavenly Father gives him. The Father declares loving mercy and compassion, as the ultimate power to deliver humankind from the annihilation of death. Jesus makes this timeless word his own. Physical death is natural, unavoidable, but in relationship to God, there is hope of an utterly different kind of existence. As St Paul later says 

'The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life' (Romans 6:23)

Jesus speaks of Abraham as if they were contemporaries. All those who have ever kept faith with God are equally alive to him, and equally looking forward to the great day when God's work will be realised in the coming of the Messiah. But his living sense of perspective makes no sense to them. Their imaginations are limited. 'Our father Abraham is dead. The prophets are dead too.' so how can he have personal knowledge of Abraham. He responds

'Before Abraham was I AM.'

Jesus doesn't just declare God's words, he embodies the divine Word, ever present. This is the ultimate prophetic utterance, and it is taken as blasphemy by his audience, people who are unconvinced of his standing as a teacher of faith, let alone a spokesperson of God. This phrase 'I AM' is the same as that uttered by God in revelation to Moses (Exodus 3:14, 6:2). It becomes the divine name, so sacred as to avoid direct invocation lest it be called in vain. Also it appears in a celebration of divine sovereignty in the Psalms, in a phrase that is key to deepening the inner journey of prayer.  

'Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted upon earth.' (Psalm 46:10)

In John's Gospel however it is used boldly, linked with seven images, through which Jesus builds an accessible picture of the divine nature - I am the bread of life, I am the light of the world, I am the gate, I am the good shepherd, I am the resurrection and the life, I am the way the truth and the life, I am the true vine. Also in the Revelation to John 'I am the Alpha and the Omega' (Rev 1:18 and 21:6, 22:13), also 'Here I am, I stand at the door and knock' (Rev 3:20). 

In the development of human consciousness and speech, the personal utterance 'I am' marks the emergence of distinct individuality, derived from the creator's own uniqueness. In prayer meditating on the phrase 'I am love' can serve to remind us of the relationship for which we exist. It both declares what God is, and what we his children are called to be.

'Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.'  (1 John 4-7)

     

Defiant praise

The story in the book of Daniel of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego being burned alive for refusing to renounce worship of the one true God, yet miraculously protected from their fate by an angel, is about defiance in the face of persecution. Even if it is considered on face value to be an unlikely tale, it has served to inspire the faithful in times of trial. Even in the face of certain death God will not forsake them. A hymn of praise and worship is attributed to the men at the heart of the fiery furnace.

'You are blest Lord God of our fathers, to you glory and praise for evermore'   (Dan 3:52)

Even if physical life is lost, confidence is expressed that their souls will be protected and saved by the One whom they worship. Stories of twenty-first century Christian martyrs in North Africa tell of them facing execution singing defiant Hallelujahs. Although there is no rescue, the resistant spirit defies death to put an end to their life in God. In the portrayal of heaven in the Book of Revelation, martyrs have great prominence.

'These are the people who have come safely through the terrible persecution. They have washed their robes and made them white with the blood of the Lamb. That is why they stand before God's throne and serve him day and night in his temple.'  (Revelation 7:14-15)

Speaking about true discipleship, Jesus warns of the risk and possible cost of following him: 

'Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul? For what will a man give in exchange for his soul?' (Mark 8:35-36)

Such courageous freedom of spirit doesn't come natural to fallen human beings with the self preservation instinct coded into our constitution, but it isn't the only driving force that gives shape and vitality to our lives. The hunger for meaning and purpose empowers us to look up and beyond ourselves and survival. Jesus says

"If you make my word your home, you will indeed by my disciples and the truth will make you free ... if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:31-33)

From the free offering of our lives to God's service comes a heart that desires above all else to worship and praise God. Being less than perfect, less than whole, our offering of self is more of an aspiration than a reality, as the opening of Charles Wesley's hymn states

'O for a heart to praise my God, a heart from sin set free!'

It is out of habitual longing to perfect self-offering in ordinary everyday existence that the purging and refining of the self takes place, little by little.

'I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.' (Psalm 40:1,3)

      

Gazing at the cross

In the wilderness, Moses wards off an attack by poisonous serpents on the children of Israel, by using the power of suggestion to mitigate the impact of their fear of being bitten, fear more deadly than the poisonous bite itself. The bronze image of a serpent raised above the people will rescue them if they will keep looking at it.

'And if anyone was bitten by a serpent, he looked at the bronze serpent and lived.'  (Num 21:9)

It's an image Jesus draws upon in cryptic reference to his own fate, being lifted up on the cross, first in his night time conversation with Nicodemus

"And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up." (John 3:14)

Later, in conversation with his critics among the Pharisees he alludes to his death again with the same cryptic image, suggesting it is the point of reference for revealing who he is

"When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will realise that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own, but I speak these things as my Father has instructed me." (John 8:28)

And, he says it again in the Temple to the disciples, when some Greeks have asked to speak with him

"Now judgement is upon this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself." (John 12:31-2)

John the evangelist explicitly states that 'lifted up' refers to his execution.

'But he was saying this to indicate the kind of death by which he was to die.' (John 12:33)

The cross is not yet mentioned, but John prepares those hearing the Passion story to look straight at his coming death, and find in it an image of healing and rescue.

When the method of his execution is revealed, it comes as a shock, a traumatic event that affects all who witness it. Death by crucifixion was regarded as a shameful curse, not only on the person but all associated with them, something nobody could live down. 

Paradoxically, this worst possible scenario, confronted in earnest, will reveal the immensity of divine love and mercy for all humankind. This gives meaning to the phrase 'Look and live'. Thus the act of gazing on any image of the crucified one, or the cross itself, no matter how elaborate or simple it may be, no matter how realistic or abstract it may be, becomes a path to prayer and communion with God.

'When I survey the wondrous cross on which the prince of glory died,
me riches gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.'

'Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul my life my all.'
     

How to search conscience

One of the additions to the book of Daniel featuring in the deutero-canonical writings of the Apocrypha is the story of Susanna, falsely accused of adultery by two men whose evil advances she refuses. She is saved from condemnation to death under the Mosaic Law by the insistence of the young Daniel on the interrogation of the men separately. 

They condemn themselves by the inconsistency of their lies, although it is clear that without Daniel's intervention, she would have been executed without a hearing on the untested evidence of two men alone. Normally in that setting, the testimony of women was disregarded, and that of men alone to be relied upon. Daniel reveals the unjust and foolish nature of custom and practise, but in spite of this, such a travesty of inequality under the law can still be found in our times.

Susanna, accused and automatically condemned cries out loud to God about the false accusation, and God arouses Daniel to act and speak out with authority on her behalf. Even though he is young, his reputation for wisdom commands the attention of the crowd and leads to Susanna's acquittal.

In the Gospel story about the woman taken in adultery from John 8:1-11 (or after Luke 21:38), it is not a matter of proving her innocence, but rather how she is rescued from certain death under the same Law of Moses. To those who have put her on trial, those who have presumed the power of life and death over her, Jesus says: 

"Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." 

And nobody can. 

He has invited them to search their consciences, and they admit to themselves that they too sin and break God's law. None of them would want to be punished for whatever their consciences accuse them of. Their honesty spares a life. Jesus will not condemn her either. 

"From now on, do not sin again." 

is all he will say.

When we're honest with God about the state of our consciences, God doesn't condemn us. These words of Jesus apply also to us, whatever we've done or failed to to. If we think of sin as causing suffering to anyone, including ourselves, it is easier to search our hearts honestly than it is to trawl through the catalogue of religious and moral rules to identify a breach. The greatest moral evil is not to care at all about the impact of our actions on others.

'Happy is the one whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! Happy is the one to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, in whose spirit there is no deceit!'  (Psalm 32:1)

   

Outpouring of love

The Sunday preceding Palm Sunday and Holy Week is called Passion Sunday. The liturgical colour changes from penitential purple to the red that at any other time of year distinguishes a feast celebrating a martyr of the church. From now until Good Friday the use of the colour red points to the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Together the church is 

'... looking to Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end.' (Hebrews 12:2) 

Today's Gospel tells of Jesus being anointed by Mary the sister of Lazarus in their home at Bethany. It is an act of extravagant generosity that draws attention to her. The traitor Judas starts arguing about the appropriateness of her gesture but his indignation gets deflated by what Jesus says

“Leave her alone. She bought it so that she might keep it for the day of my burial. 

You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.” (John 12:7-8)

Despite references to his possible fate Jesus had been making lately, none of his disciples had taken this to heart. Here again, he tries to warn them of an approaching disaster which will try them to the limit, but this has no impact on them. 

Mary's action expresses the deep love she has for Jesus. Whatever feeling she may have had for him as a man, it was her love for what he taught, and her gratitude for having raised her brother to life is what her action expresses. Could she have anticipated how Jesus was going to interpret her deed?

Down the ages, people have expressed gratitude to God for blessings received in offering the most extravagant gifts - money, treasures, entire buildings etc, making the church wealthy on times. Some have prefered to be generous to the poor instead. Who can ultimately judge the appropriateness of their actions, but God alone, who knows the secrets of our hearts?

Another story tells of Jesus being anointed by a woman weeping penitential tears, and when his host protests about this Jesus says

“Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."

(Luke 7:44-47)

Gratitude for the mercy of forgiveness, and thanksgiving for blessings received give prayer its vitality. If penitence leads to sober humble self-estimation, praise renews confidence and hope abundantly. These are inseparable dimensions of relationship with God.

Non judgement

Jesus says "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matt 7:1) Nobody should be tried and condemned on the basis of accusations made without evidence being heard, neither ourselves or others. Nicodemus, who came privately by night to question Jesus about the kingdom of God, some time later found himself listening to religious leaders condemning the popular authority Jesus had gained as a spiritual teacher. Nicodemus found out for himself about Jesus and his teaching. His associates relied on hearsay and opinion based on hearsay, driven by their suspicions and fear. He criticised their attitude saying 

'According to our Law we cannot condemn people before hearing them and finding out what they have done.' (John 7:51)

Justice required by God's law insists that everyone involved in any dispute is given a proper hearing, but so often the anxious human reaction is to short circuit the process and leap to conclusions, in mistaken defence of self-interest. Jesus, aware of human weakness says to his disciples 

'Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.' (Matt 7:1)

Whenever we pray, the way we think about others and think about ourselves needs to reflect this thought. Freeing ourselves from the compelling tendency to judge and condemn others makes demands on us. The same standards apply to ourselves. But how are we to think in prayer about those who criticise, opposed and threaten us? It can be a difficult struggle if we believe our existence is under threat. This is reflected in Psalms of complaint, containing expressions of vindictiveness against enemies. The wistful lament of the Babylonian exiles concludes vengefully

'Babylon, you will be destroyed. Happy are those who pay you back for what you have done to us— who take your babies and smash them against a rock.' (Psalm 137:8-9)

In liturgical recitation, the final two verses can often be omitted, or else their impact is 'spiritualised', pretending they refer to the thoughts and deeds of the one reciting the Psalm, although the rest of it is clearly an expression of collective grief. But anyone familiarity with the dynamics of grieving will recognise how anger and resentment can contaminate sorrow.

In trying to be honest about ourselves with God, mixed feelings cannot be suppressed, nor can they be ignored, nor do they merit condemnation of self or others. When opening the depths of self to our creator, acknowledging him as our just judge, and ourselves as ever in need of his mercy, we can start to work on letting go of the condemnatory impulse, and align ourselves to God's compassionate vision of his fallen broken world.

'Make me a clean heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me.' (Psalm 51:10)

Timing

Jesus wasn't afraid of controversy and he challenged hypocrisy when he encountered it, earning the resentment of some in authority. He healed when people in need appealed to him, but didn't do anything to promote himself. 'Come to me all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will refresh you' (Matt 11:28) is but a gentle invitation. 

He discouraged those who were healed from proclaiming their cure to all and sundry, but it was hard to prevent good reports of him circulating. In John 7, the evangelist reports that he went on pilgrimage to the Temple on his own rather than with his disciples, so as not to draw attention to himself, yet he still ended up teaching when he was there. There was no campaign plan of action in this however. He simply responded to opportunities that arose. St John in several places speaks of the element of timing in the course of Jesus' destiny, timing which is God's gift.

'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven' (Ecclus 3:1) 

Jesus is perfectly attuned to the promise of each moment, because of his intimate communion with his heavenly Father in prayer. This can also be true of us as we enter more deeply into prayer, allow the Spirit to heal us, and renew our lives, so that we become more in harmony with God's will.

Growing into 'prayer without ceasing' takes time. Whatever way we start, we discover that some kind of routine and structure is helpful, just as eating meals and exercise regularly is beneficial. How much we pray and for how long we pray develops as we journey, and it varies in the light of circumstances and opportunity. Healthy prayer leaves us satisfied, yet eager, ready for more when the time comes.  

Prayer may not always be stimulating or exciting. Sometimes it can be an effort, hard work to keep to the task, but it will not lead us to resentment or disgust or rebellion, unless we are somehow afflicted with a spiritual ailment - the impact of being sinned against, or else not accepting responsibility for our sins. Regularly reflecting on life's passage, and examining one's conscience is necessary for honest prayer. When we know what stands in the way of intimacy with God, something can be done about it. 

God never calls upon us to tackle more than we can cope with, or learn more than we can assimilate at any time. There may be obstacles to spiritual growth of which we remain unaware for many years. Only when the time is right from God's diagnostic perspective, does the Spirit enable us to face fresh truth about ourselves. And there are many things in Jesus' teaching which, even though we know and think we understand them now, acquire fresh meaning in the light of new experience, if the time is right. As Jesus says to his disciples

' ... the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.' (John 14:26)

During his final pilgrimage to Jerusalem, Jesus pereceived what was likely to happen to him as opposition and resentment against him grew. He seeks to warn his disciples, but they fail to understand, and recognising the coming crisis he says

'Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.' (John 12:27)

A few days later, he is still struggling with himself to accept, as he prays in Gethsemane, while his betrayer came looking for him.

'Father, if it be your will, let this cup pass from me. Yet, not my will, but yours be done.'  (Luke 22:42)

But when self surrender comes, it is not in acquiesence, but an active seizing of the moment as it came to him, even though that meant suffering and death.

'Your kingdom come, your will be done ...'